I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
