I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
