Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
