Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Randomize
