when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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