I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
