he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
