He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
