Im at strip club and am horny
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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