she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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