She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
She tied me up with her honor cords...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Randomize
