The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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