So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
