god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
and she was petting her beer can
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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