shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
