Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
