talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
