I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
