none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He shit in the fireplace
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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