I smell stomach acid.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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