Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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