I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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