Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
