i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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