By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
