Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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