All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
