Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
