I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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