i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
