your thong is hanging out like whoa
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
