There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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