As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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