Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
