I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
