And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
