I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
he told me I talked like a deaf person
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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