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you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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