How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
