best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
