when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
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