it's too hot outside to masturbate.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
