Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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