Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
