im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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