I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Is this like a preordered booty call?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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