stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
