She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
