Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
