i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
