Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
