Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
