Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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