My pussy is not your playground.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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