Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
