So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
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