She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
