Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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