no, he came in my armpit
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
