Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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