I accidentally burped into my bong.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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