I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
