So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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