Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
