ya dads aren't the best wingmen
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
