All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
