I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
