Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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