you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
