She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
