Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize