I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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