the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
They took my balls.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
