Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
